


Wrigglingday

by cosmic_kat



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Drowning, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-05
Updated: 2014-08-05
Packaged: 2018-02-11 21:32:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2083905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cosmic_kat/pseuds/cosmic_kat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gamzee finds himself a way to spend his 5th Wrigglingday.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wrigglingday

My name is Gamzee and it is my 5th wrigglingday.

I look at the empty room and the empty house and the empty beach and the emptiness inside me and I go to my bookshelf.

The books are dusty and I have not read any of them, I did stare at the words of several before, trying to understand the long, drawly sentences that were written to form paragraphs to form pages but I stopped. I stopped because an anger was seeping inside me and it was because I didn’t understand but I was trying yet I still didn’t. But I stopped because when I am angry the tips of my horns hurt and the pain travels down the horn to the base, and then it hits my head and it echoes through my body and it hurts, and Equius told me that my class make things called ‘chucklevoodoos’ when angry, and they are very powerful and scare others, which is something I avoid doing all the time. And then Equius got annoyed that I did not know such a ‘basic fact’ about my biology and I told him to ‘motherfucking calm down’ and he got annoyed at my language but it was ok in the end because me and Equius are still friends, and we won’t ever stop doing so.

That was about half a sweep ago, and today I am looking at the books sitting on the shelf, and I pick a blue one out. It it big and heavy and has all shades of blue and green, with a waterbeast on the cover. The book was a gift from my friend Feferi on my last wriggling, before I got frustrated at the words and thought I could have a chance at reading such hefty material. Feferi is a seadweller and so this book is not really surprising.

I open the book to see Fef’s curly handwriting, delicate.

> “ _)(oly cod! It’s your wriggling! R--EM--EMB--ER! Any fin is possible if you don’t trout yourself! )(ave a glubbin fintastic day!! - Feferi_ ”

The message is in a pinky colour and there are hearts drawn in all the corners of the page, and I smile to myself and note that I should probably message Feferi today because it has been a long time since we last talked.

I open the book to the page I had cornered, for future reference, and a diagram shows, and I smile even wider because this is the perfect time to do it and he will be so proud of me.

The page says I need to have some things but I think it will work without it, and I ignore the mask that is illustrated in the corner of the page and concentrate on the swimming techniques shown.

And I close the book, and I leave it, and I make my way to the beach, taking my shoes and socks off first.

The first step into the water is cold, and different, and intruding and feels wrong, and some instinct is telling me to stop, stop this is not what you are supposed to do. But I carry on, because it’s my wriggling day and the old goat isn’t here yet and I need to find him so that he can be proud of me and care and he has probably forgotten so I need to find him. The water is up to my shins now and I’m slowly but surely inching further into the water, and it feels very cold and my trousers are sticking to me but I ignore it all. Once the water is up to my hips and I am sure that the water is very deep further in, I put my head under, and I swim.

Except I don’t.

I stay in the same place in the water, weightless, and for a moment, free. And I begin to realise why the old goat is always out here, because the feeling is magical, it's a miracle. And I realise why Fef and Eridan and all the fin bearing trolls are classed as royalty, because they get to experience this from birth, and I’m jealous, because the water is clear, and I feel so flexible and powerful and _FREE_.

And then I begin to wonder why I haven’t done this before, and I decide I will make a habit of it, and I am able to do it, easy peasy. And then I realise I haven’t moved and begin to, and I laugh, happy.

Except I don’t.

I open my mouth, and the water around me fills me, and I’m shocked, choking. A suffocating feeling begins to grow, and I flail, claustrophobic. It is the opposite of anger; hopelessness - where all energy is wasted and there’s nothing I can do and its getting worst by the second and I’m scared and he isn’t here and I should have followed the diagram and I try to cry and the tears of course go no where, I’m not even sure they come out and

**Its all black**

-

The names Gamzee, brother, and it was recently this motherfucker’s 6th wrigglingday. Fucking bitchtits. I’m sitting on the waterside and I’m looking out at the sea and its all miracles, how the water laps up onto the sand, and I’m high off of sopor and its all motherfucking perfect, and I wanna go out into the water, and go find the old goat, but something tells me not to, and I listen, cause a brother’s gotta listen to his thinkpan, especially when it’s telling all kinds of wicked tales. Tales of the water being bad, that the water is dangerous and it feels like something happened to a motherfucker in the water, and that I shouldn’t go in the water, but the old goat isn’t here, but I don’t go into the water, because the thinkpan says not to. Instead I sit on the waterside, and I smile all kinds of miracles to the water, high as a motherfucking spacecraft. I don’t need to go near the water, instead a brother’s gotta go inside, cause a certain Karbro wants to play some game soon, and I have to stay dry for that shit.


End file.
